


Goodbye

by MorganaNK



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-01
Updated: 2016-07-01
Packaged: 2018-07-19 12:13:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7361116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorganaNK/pseuds/MorganaNK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU fic</p><p>Angel never returns from Hell and the struggle of being a single parent to a ‘special’ child becomes more than Buffy can bear</p><p>This is a very dark fic and may well offend… although that was not my intention… you have been warned…</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> Characters are the property of Joss Whedon and all interested parties.  
> No copyright infringement intended

I know exactly when I realized that there was no other way. Sean was begging me to let him go trick or treating with Sammy, Luke and Daniel, and I was coming across as the big bad Mommy because I kept saying no. He told me that he hated me and that he wished his Daddy was still around because he would have let him.

His Daddy. Funny how those two words can reduce me to a quivering wreck. Sean has never met his Daddy; I’ve told him about him, how he was kind and gentle and loving and sacrificing, but he’s never met him. And his Daddy doesn’t know about him either.

As he runs from the room to find his Uncle Spike I slide down the wall, bury my face in my knees and sob. I can’t go on like this; I can’t keep trying to protect him. I realize also that my Mom and Giles had been right; I should have had an abortion.

I feel a tender hand gently smooth my hair.

“Do you want to talk about it Kitten?”

I look up, and through bleary eyes I see Spike. Who would have thought that, after everything we went through, he would be my best friend.

“I can’t do this any more.”

He crouched down beside me, his cool hand caressing my face.

“Can’t do what?”

“This. Live this pathetic excuse of a life. Sean hates me because I can’t let him do what other Moms let their kids do, and I hate myself because I have to play the big bad.”

He pulls me into his arms and hugs me to him.

“You knew it was going to be hard Pet. With his parentage it could never be anything but. Don’t sell yourself short, you’ve done wonders with him.”

“It’s not enough Spike, it’s never enough.”

“Tell you what; why don’t I patrol for you tonight so that you guys can spend some time together.”

I sniffed and stood.

“Thanks. It’s about time he and I sorted a few things out…”

I looked down at him, fast asleep on the back seat of our MPV. It had been easy enough to slip one of my sleeping pills in his bedtime drink. Reaching out with a shaky hand I brushed the hair off his forehead.

“Mommy really loves you Sean, that’s why she has to do this, but she won’t let you go alone…”

~*~*~

If my heart beat it would have been pounding. As I rounded the corner I was greeted with an assortment of emergency vehicles parked outside the house. Breaking into a run, I forced my way through the crowd of bystanders.

“BUFFY? SEAN?”

A hand met my chest and stopped me in my tracks.

“Can we help you Sir?”

“I bloody live here you wanker! Where are my sister and nephew?”

It was then I noticed the two black body bags lying on the driveway. I fell to my knees, tears streaming down my face.

“No…no no no…tell me you didn’t Buffy, please don’t say you did that.”

I was aware of a voice in my ear although I could only make out the odd word or phrase.

“….pipe from exhaust….note…next of kin…”

An arm went round my shoulders and I was helped to my feet and led inside. Somehow I made it to the sofa, and a cup of tea was thrust into my hands.

“Is your name Spike?”

Another voice, female this time. I nod; words would take too much effort.

“She left a note, it’s addressed to you. We have to keep it in the bag, for evidence you see, but would you like to read it?”

Again I nod. The hand not occupied by trying to balance a mug of tea reaches out shakily and takes the note. As I read it the tears start again.

‘Spike

I’m sorry. I don’t expect you will ever forgive me for this, but I can’t see another way out.

I don’t think I realized how hard it would be without him. I thought that I could cope, and that Sean would be a little piece of him that no one could ever take away. I was wrong.

Every day he becomes more like his father, and every day it gets harder to protect him. How can I expect him to understand what a Slayer is, or that his father was a vampire? He doesn’t even know you’re one, just that you have an allergy to sunlight.

I love him, which is why I have to do this. Please try and understand. I can’t risk leaving him alone in this world, and you and I both know that sooner or later that is what will happen.

Take care of yourself Spike. Make yourself useful to the next Slayer. Let Giles make the introductions; I would hate for you to find yourself on the wrong end of a stake.

Thank you for everything, you have been a true friend and I love you for it.

Buffy’

“We need to ask you a few questions Sir. This is a most unusual note. Was she on any medication? Was she under psychiatric care?”

I exploded. 

“What the hell are you talking about???”

“Well…she mentions vampires…we thought that maybe she was receiving treatment.”

“GET OUT OF MY BLOODY HOUSE!”

“Sir…I’m sorr..”

“GET OUT!”

I push her from the room and slam the door closed behind her. I collapsed back onto the sofa, the tears once again tracing their way down my face. I was alone again. My family was gone.


End file.
